kairiful

yesterday i smiled. it cracked my lips and made them drip hot blood, but i did it anyway. sometimes, for you, i just have to do the hard things. i wish you could just come and smile with me, too. i wish we could lay on my bed and curl around each other and not talk. i wish i could let you listen to my heart and you would let me listen to yours. sometimes, i wish, for me, you would just do the hard things. "i have to go find me," you told me. it was your parting line. i didn't know what to do with it. the words were soft, and warm and scared, like you didn't know what to do with them, either. i listen to my heart beat and you listen to your

I'm trying to think of some beautiful way to tell you just how I feel, in this pit I call my heart, but how do you tell someone that you'd fight for them? There's something about our friendship that kills me, but how could I ever tell you that? I don't like love, I've never believed in it, but there's something tugging at my veins and ripping at my arteries and stirring my heart into pump pump pumping and it's not something I've ever felt before. It hurts. And I know the cliche, that love hurts, but still, I never thought it would be a literal pain in my throat. I'm holding back all the words I want to say, and it's making my throat scratch

I need you, I need you here. So just shut up and let me be your rocket, so I can take you to the goddam moon! Just let me, damnit, and I'll take you to the moon. That's all I really want from life. To let someone climb aboard and smile and say "ready for lift off!" even if they really aren't, even if they don't really trust me at all. I don't trust me either. Maybe it's selfish, but all I really want is someone to throw caution to the wind and give me a chance. I think, maybe, if I'm given the chance, I can make it to the moon. I think, maybe, just maybe, I could meet all my crazy mother's goddam expectations. But I don't know if I can do it

We're on a road to nowhere, going ninety in a sixty-five, and I'm singing along to songs in another language while you drive, while you stare straight ahead, while I stare straight at your lips, watching them twitch and fight your heart, your itch to smile. And it's a beautiful sight, this struggle, this fight. The deep, raspy voice of this Italian man is making me melt, and I'm sure you can tell in the way I'm belting it out, while the sun is setting and the moon is rising and the stars are appear, ever so slowly. Life goes on, but, really, we don't have to, we could stay on this winding road forever, if we really wanted. And that thought is

Yesterday, you said "It's safe to say that even after the sun blows up, all the little stars will still remain," and I, disbelieving, nodded a non-committal answer. Not because I knew what you wanted, but more because I trusted you. I didn't quite see what you meant but I figured if you were saying it, it had to be true. Back when things were easy, we would walk down the street late at night and talk about the stars. We would find shapes in them, and ponder what they were telling us, and if they had any hopes or wishes or dreams. You always said they did but I was never sure, and honestly I didn't really care, because I got to walk with you

The phone ringed three times before you picked up. "Hello?" you said, and your voice was unsteady. Your breath was sharp and not at all like it normally sounds. I was, to say the least, confused. But I looked out the window and the sun winked at me and I pushed past it and opened my mouth to answer. "Hi." The silence stretched for about a minute before I realized you were waiting for some kind of request, or question, or demand. My fingers tightened around my phone, around our connection. "I need my, um, toothbrush. I, uh, left it there. Last time." "Okay. You didn't have to call." And even though your voice is unsteady, it's strong. Stron

i like the way you smile and me, and the way you say my name. i just don't know how to tell you this. or if you even want to hear it. pointless car rides are my favorite, especially when the car is full of people and good songs are blasting and the driver and i sit straight up and shout "prada is what she wears!" with the singer, and i like when my voice harmonizes with yours, when you start singing along, too. i like how we pick the same lines to sing. i can't look at you though, because i'm afraid you'll be looking at me. but i'm more afraid that you're not. i like the way you wear red when you're feeling hot. i have no right wanti

tears glitter on her freckled cheeks and her brown eyes - which in happier times looked like honey - are drowning and dying and i can't do this. i can't save her. no matter how much i want to, and it's killing me and i don't know how i could do without her, but i'm glad she's here now, even in this state she's in. and she knows that, she knows that i need her and she's here for me and i hate that. i wish i was as good as her. "i just wonder if i ever cross your mind, when you're all alone and it's late and dark and you need someone to listen to you." her words are drowning, now, too, in the waterfall that's crashing out her eyes and down he

her lips twitched a little, like she thought the thick, miserable, horrible, tension was funny. "they're serious about this. they really love each other." i nodded. "and then there's you and me." our eyes locked, then, and in hers, for a moment, i thought i could see the world. the future. us, together, not wanting to kill each other. it sent a shiver down my spine, and i hoped to the stars she didn't notice that. something about her, and my hate for her, made me weak in the knees, made me feel like i didn't hate her at all, not even a little bit. "two people who really don't like each other at all," she replied, twitching her lips again,

"wait - " "you know what pisses me off? i've spent my whole life spilling my guts, and still i don't know one thing about you." "when i grow up, i wanna be as smart as a tree. i leave notes in public places for strangers. i think corn is disgusting. i want to teach a room of third graders that they are more beautiful and wise than i could ever hope to be. i want to wake up every morning and see your face, your smile. i - " "you know, i think i'd miss you even if we'd never met." "exactly, i -" "someday we should dance on rooftops, we should just go on a tour of rooftop dancing. it'd be like dancing in the sky, with the stars. we could te